buried deep as you can dig inside yourself.

There's a line in this song by the one and only Dashboard Confessional that says "the places that you've come to fear the most, is the place that you have come to fear the most." I think I have reached that place. If you had asked me when I was 17 or 18 where I thought I'd be at 23 my answer would most likely have been something along the lines of "married in the temple, going to school or working to support my RM husband, maybe even caring for a little baby."
Where am I today? So far from that dream that I'm not even sure if it still exists! Ok, it does, just slightly more realistic now. My goal now is to know what I want to do by the time I'm 25. That's only 2 years. In 2 years if I were a male, I would be considered a menace to society in the church.
This is the place i have come to fear the most, I'm 23 and wish I had more going for me.
I am no where near getting married, probably farther away than I was at 18 actually. I don't even know any decent boys I'd be interested in dating. I haven't had a legit boyfriend for almost 2 years. And can't even remember the last time I went on a date. I realize 23 is still so young, and I realize that I'm young and immature (emphasis on the immature). But all my best friends from high school are married, most of them even have a kid or two now. I wonder where I went wrong, why am I not at that place too?
Why am I stuck in this rut where I have no confidence that many of my biggest dreams will ever come true?
It scares me, that I'll forever be alone, that I've ruined some of the best things I ever had going for me.
I'm in the market for a new job. I want to put my knowledge of skin and skincare to use. I want to work with pre and post acne patients, but I don't know how to get there.
I'm stuck. I want so many things I don't know how to get.
So many things I want right now are so far away. These are the places I have come to fear the most...the unknown. I've always been the kind of person to need to know what happens next so I can feel secure.
I was reading a talk by Elder Ballard given to young single adults in April of this year and he said:
I encourage you to not be afraid of the future. Don’t let anything that’s going on in the world slow you down in your progress in mortality. Don’t be afraid to marry. Don’t think you have to have everything lined up. Don’t think you have to have all of the resources and finances “necessary” to enter into that kind of a commitment.... Trust in the Lord. Believe in Him. Study His words. The Lord will bless you with the courage to do the things that are most important in your life. There’s not any one of you who has done anything that you can’t fix and who can’t have a sense of peace in your life. Being active in the Church is one of the great ways to enjoy peace, joy, fellowship, and a sense of belonging. The gospel gives us guidance and direction as we progress through life."

It's a darn good thing I have the gospel. It's the only thing that gives me hope when I get overwhelmed thinking about all this crap. It's the only reason I feel peace when I reach the places I have come to fear the most.